If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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