i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
