i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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