your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
