Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
