Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My bed smells like the plague
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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