I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just forgot I was standing up.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize