I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize