i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
