youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
