then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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