id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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