WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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