So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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