remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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