Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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