i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
