I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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