At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
