he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
