I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
