he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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