i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
