four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
