Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize