We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
