I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
