I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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