You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The adults are the big ones right?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
