Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
