I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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