She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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