Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
