Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
