i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wanna bring you to show and tell
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think my moral compass just broke
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize