Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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