i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
