he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
3 2 1 whiskey
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
