He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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