Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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