I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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