This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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