I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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