dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize