His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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