If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
