I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
