So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
