You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
