how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize