I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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