i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
