I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
