i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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