oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
