he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
