Someone shit on the floor
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
