Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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