Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize