Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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