we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
