Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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