Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
