I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
