OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
