Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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