her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
