The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
