I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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