I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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