dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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