Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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