hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
